Crane Lake California Moscato 2010

A warm, late-spring Saturday afternoon in Brooklyn is perfect for a low-key open house art exhibit with friends in the backyard. Brand-new paintings by a talented friend (a few still wet!), fresh-cut flowers, drinks and snacks, conversation about art and music, and a few songs on the acoustic guitar.

The wine, Crane Lake California Moscato 2010: Tastes like sweet oranges and peaches -- oh my god is it sugary sweet! -- with a tiny hint of burning, vomity aftertaste. Whole body twitches/spasms as it goes down. A stunning experience.

Cork top. Alcohol content 10%. Price about $6. Blechs 3/5.

Frontera Chardonnay 2011

Out late night with friends: Dancing after midnight to a cool, sexy, hard-rocking band in Williamsburg. Once that winds down, we slip outside and then to a bar next door where we can sit, have drinks, and chat in a place where we can actually hear each other.

Frontera Chardonnay 2011: Smells like turpentine. Bitter as hell, bitter on the tongue, then burns worse going down the throat. With a hint of almonds.

Screw cap. Alcohol content 13.5%. Price about $7. Blechs 4/5.

Nederburg Pinotage 2008

Finally, summer-like weather has come! Visiting friends at their delightfully renovated vintage home in the suburbs. Stealing a nap on a corner sofa during a rain shower on Saturday afternoon; waking to a bird chirping happily just outside the window. Then, an outside barbecue with fancy French sausages, couscous, vegetables, crackers and cheese. Now that's the good life!

Nederburg Pinotage 2008: Smells like motor oil. Downing it, feels like I'm breathing fiery vapors for about 2 minutes afterward. Back of the head hurts; may or may not be related.

Cork top. Alcohol content 14%. Price about $12. Blechs 3/5.

Kellog's Diner House Cabernet

After the knitting-fest breaks up, we go to eat at the neighborhood diner -- a perfect way to end a night of cool people, laughter, and gossip. Around the table we have all the greats: turkey club, ham-with-egg-and-cheese sandwich, and a delicious chocolate croissant. Relaxing before heading home for the night...

Kellog's Diner House Cabernet: Smells like paint. First taste is totally transparent to the tip of the tongue... Eggy, kind of like tear gas... Rising in the fashion of swamp vapors as it goes down.

Blechs 3/5.

Grüner Veltliner 2009

An artsy knitting circle in the corner table of a hip Williamsburg (Brooklyn) bar on a Saturday afternoon. Talking about plans for upcoming projects, with spicy veggie tacos and chocolate fudge brownies brought from home. Mostly girls of course... and what's wrong with that?

Grüner Veltliner 2009: Odor mild like grape juice... As it begins to pour, a faint earthy smell, reminiscent of the farms of my youth, like the finest of cow poop... Bubbly like ginger ale... A tasteless, stinging ephemera.

Screw top. Alcohol content 14.5%. Price about $13. Blechs 3/5.

Domaine Pelaquie - Cotes du Rhone 2009

Out on the town, friends showing us a new restaurant in the hip part of New York... A small, brick-walled, intimate little place with simply amazing mussels in coconut milk -- merguez sausages -- and roasted balsamic chicken. As we animatedly chat about art, dining, and travel over an early-ish dinner, all the beautiful young people filter in and fill the rest of the tables and bar. Altogether delightful!

Domaine Pelaquie - Cotes du Rhone 2009: An interesting, smooth, fruity, sugary aroma... Promising! The initial taste, smooth and welcoming on the tip of the tongue... And then on swallowing, at the back of the mouth: a shocking, pinpoint starbust of simply jaw-dropping intense pain! Rather like being stabbed in the back of the throat with a rusty dagger for a crisp instant. Really an amazing, almost unbelievable sensation. Confirmed after repeated more sips.

Cork top. Alcohol content 14%. Price about $12. Blechs 4/5.

Universo De Los Andes Malbec 2008

Cool New York friends at a surprise birthday party -- What fun! Giggles and laughter as the birthday-boy spins around with a blindfold, almost sitting on his own cake -- then misses the piñata and smashes his own lamp with the death-defying broom-handle. Good humor and lively memories are had by all!

Universo De Los Andes Malbec 2008: A smell that's pungent, thick, and syrupy. The first taste provides confirmation: Thick, syrupy, tangy, generally yucky. Actually goes down fairly smooth.

Cork top. Alcohol content 14.5%. Price about $12. Blechs 1/5.